You knew where you were with the news once.
All right-thinking folk got their fix of the papers once a day. And a posh man who looked like he enjoyed a G&T or 12 at the golf club called Reginald popped up on TV for 10 minutes at teatime to talk about the balance of payments deficit.
No one knew what these were, least of all Reginald. But it was reassuring. And outside of this, very, very rarely, there might be a newsflash.
Crackerjack would go dim and a serious voice would say “There now follows a newsflash…”
They were the scariest words in the English language. Even a 10-year-old knew you didn’t interrupt the Krankies for anything less than an invasion from Neptune.
Now on 24-hour news you get celebrities being asked for their “reaction to” significant breaking news stories.
“Reaction to” is what passes for TV news these days. After all there are 24 long hungry hours to fill and very few Neptunian invasions.
So, in the interests of my blog and my followers here’s my “reaction to” some recent major stories.
Ricky Martin is gay: “You’re kidding?! And Livin’ La Vida Loca is such a butch song!”
Dawn and Lenny: “None of our flipping business.”
General Election: “Are any of the candidates a white bloke in a black suit? Great!”
Proper Nouns Allowed In Scrabble: “Only when you prise these tiles from my cold, dead fingers.
“And that’s not how you spell Beyonce.”
Neptunian invasion: “Now you’re talking!”
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