Toff Time For The Bad Lads

The cost of keeping young offenders in prison for a year is £38,000 – more than annual fees at Eton, claims Justice Secretary Ken Clarke.

The remedy is obvious: send bad lads to Eton, to learn to be a Tory Prime Minister. Who says crime doesn’t pay?
All sounds highly logical to me

World Cup Views etc..

The World Cup is now in full swing and I have to admit I am underwhelmed by it all.
This may be to do with the fact that I am Scottish and we ain't there.
Alan Hansen is there but he is practically a naturalised Englishman these days...
The BBC are there en masse including my dear friend Nicky Campbell, who the other day devoted the whole of his one hour phone-in to the pros and cons of the vuvuzela horn.He bravely tried to play it himself, though later admitted to me on Twitter his style of playing was more Freddy 'Parrot Face' Davis than Miles Davis.
The Beeb coverage is really all too much especially on 5Live where they don't seem to talk about owt else and all the normal programmes have disappeared.
Then there is Fabio and the England team
I can't stand all the flag-waving jingoistic crap that comes around with England in the World Cup mainly because of the utter mediocrity of the actual team and all the journalistic hype that goes along with it. I like Rooney and Lampard but you can keep the rest of them..overpaid over-rated buffons that they are.
Still, there is much to look forward to sports -wise. Ascot this week. Wimbledon next week.Open golf.I may take root on the sofa... then again I might just tidy that garden as I have been threatening to do.(Fat chance)...............

HP Sauce

Parliament is back today.
Different faces.Same old rubbish.
I don't think much of the Tory/Liberal coalition.Clegg made so much about changing away from the old style two party politics and now here he is in bed with Lord Toffingham and his pals.Public schoolboys together... only this time it is the country they are running.. not the tuck shop.Labour might have been unpopular but the LibDems are even more so with only fifty MPs and now here they are in government with The Toffs.
Can't stand The Speaker,John Bercow. You think they could have elected someone with a bit of class after years of Mick Martin and his bluster? No chance.
Like HP Sauce, I hope this parliament has some spice.
However, I fear it may well be simply more of the brown stuff...

Hung Parliament

Well,David Cameron was missing most of yesterday while Cleggy was trying to thrash out a deal for maximum power and,in the middle, Gordon Brown making his excuses and leaving.
It has all been facinating but I do hope it does not drag on much longer.
Firstly, the suspense is killing me.
Also the news channels are literally boring the tits off me.(My poor wee nipples were in agony yesterday)
Thank heavens for the sheer entertainment of Adam Boulton and Alastair Campbell shouting the odds on Sky News yesterday... Real 'handbags at ten paces 'kind of stuff.

News:It's all so reactive

You knew where you were with the news once.

All right-thinking folk got their fix of the papers once a day. And a posh man who looked like he enjoyed a G&T or 12 at the golf club called Reginald popped up on TV for 10 minutes at teatime to talk about the balance of payments deficit.

No one knew what these were, least of all Reginald. But it was reassuring. And outside of this, very, very rarely, there might be a newsflash.

Crackerjack would go dim and a serious voice would say “There now follows a newsflash…”

They were the scariest words in the English language. Even a 10-year-old knew you didn’t interrupt the Krankies for anything less than an invasion from Neptune.

Now on 24-hour news you get celebrities being asked for their “reaction to” significant breaking news stories.


“Reaction to” is what passes for TV news these days. After all there are 24 long hungry hours to fill and very few Neptunian invasions.


So, in the interests of my blog and my followers here’s my “reaction to” some recent major stories.

Ricky Martin is gay: “You’re kidding?! And Livin’ La Vida Loca is such a butch song!”

Dawn and Lenny: “None of our flipping business.”

General Election: “Are any of the candidates a white bloke in a black suit? Great!”

Proper Nouns Allowed In Scrabble: “Only when you prise these tiles from my cold, dead fingers.

“And that’s not how you spell Beyonce.”

Neptunian invasion: “Now you’re talking!”

Deja Vu (UptownBaby) - Lord Tariq & Peter Gunz

some top Rap with a backing track sampling Black Cow by Steely Dan

Election Eve Blues

Well tomorrow is the election.
I get the feeling the Tories will win with a tiny and barely-workable majority.
Whoever wins, there is one certainty-: More taxation.
That is a depressing fact that cannot be escaped.
It looks like most of us will be worse off.
However, that matters less when you are Toffs like David Cameron and his buddies.

Britain is skint and that's a fact.
I often wonder who the money is actually owed-to?
Let them declare war on us and we can fight them for it. That's what we need-:
An old-fashioned war with everyone employed and a common purpose instead of the waste of our campaigns in Afghanistan.
We don't owe America,surely?
If we do it might not be a good idea fighting them.
We could give The Cayman Islands a pasting though.