The Dragon With The Bleach White Teeth

Like most folk the first I knew of Duncan Bannatyne was when he popped-up on Dragon's Den on BBC TV.I honestly can say he never really appealed from the start.I always felt he was unnecessarily harsh to the applicants on the show and seemed to relish ridiculing the folk who were looking for cash for their daft business ideas.A Smart Alec but with no patter to back it up.
However, I was intrigued by him, a former ice cream man who made his fortune in care homes before moving on to health clubs and hotels.I was amazed to learn that he had after making his first pile of cash he trained to be an actor and that his agent, after failing to get him acting gigs,heard about Dragon's Den and from there his fame began if not his acting career.
After seeing he was on Twitter I started to follow him and listened to his opinions on various subjects.However,his main subject was himself and how much he loved himself and loved spouting forth about his wealth and holiday homes etc.I once suggested on twitter he should write a book of memoirs entitled The Man I Love:An Autobiography and he seemed to take it in good humour.
Other folks were not so lucky. A Twitter pal (Big Ag) once suggested his head was up his own backside following Bannatyne's pompius behahaviour on Out Of the Frying Pan(a TV show where Bannatyne behaved rudely towards two young caterers).Well didn't he go off on one? calling her various names and suggesting she was jealous of his great wealth. He also encouraged his followers to send her abusive messages which they did and caused her much upset.I was really amazed at how thin-skinned he was and the sheer venom he showed in revenge for a comment that would seem rather tame to most folk.
Comedian Ross Noble was next for Bannatyne's ire on Twitter. Ross encouraged his followers to bombard Bannatyne with fake business ideas. One memorable one was ‘Dear Mr Dragon, I think people should get free pie every time they go into one of those big-company buildings can you help?’, Bannatyne tweeted back: ‘Are you serious?’Other ideas followed like Jackson Four finger puppets, a butter stick ‘like a Pritt stick but with butter’ and a request for ‘£20million to genetically modify trees to make them mini, therefore easier to climb’. These were really funny, however Mr B did not share in the joke and started name-calling Ross and accusing him of (Yes you have guessed it-: being jealous of his fortune) Bannatyne came across as being pompous and arrogant and extremely petulant.
Nobody on Twitter boasts about their charity work as much as Duncan Bannatyne.He is always tweeting about it. "Look I am a nice guy.Really!" is the gist of it.

He also went on for months about fellow dragon James Caan and his Non-Dom status, claiming that Caan did not pay income tax.This came over as rather childish and Caan, to his credit, never rose to the bait and did not respond to Bannatyne. He is now saying Caan should be replaced on Dragon's Den By Karren Brady and has been told-off for this by Lord Sugar(a truly classy businessman).
Eventually Bannatyne got round to me.Earlier this week he was tweeting away about Britain and how it was such a wonderful country.I made the comment that it was so wonderful he went abroad to France at every opportunity(true)For this I got ridiculed, called a Twat and blocked from following him.Oh yes and let's not forget it was down to my being jealous of all his money.
Firstly,I am amazed it took him so long to block me given my ridicule of him.Next, the man actually considers my not being able to follow him as a punishment.Yeh right,watch me weep.The ego of the man knows no limits and his "toys oot the pram" behaviour speaks volumes about him.
On asking my Twitter followers for views on him, nobody had a good word to say.Occasionally he makes comments that he enjoys being unpopular but I believe he really wants to be loved and admired by the public.
In conclusion, he also dyes his hair,has had cosmetic surgery on his wrinkled boat race and his teeth dyed Domestos white so he looks silly as well as talking the same way.
And for that reason "I'm Out!"
What a jealous bastard I must be.

The Papa Hits Scotland

The Lord indeed moves in mysterious ways. Though on the evidence of this week, mainly along the M8. Yes, the Papal visit came to Scotland.
It was the biggest welcome for a religious leader since Tom Cruise's last film premiere.
Thankfully, it passed off without a hitch. Hallelujah.
Starting in Edinburgh, the Pope got an extremely warm welcome from the Queen.
Observers called it "momentous". Ian Paisley called it "confusing".
The two were singing from the same hymn sheet. Well, it was written in German.
Of course, security was tight, but fortunately they managed to wrestle Prince Philip's guns away from him.
I went for a view with Kirsty and Grace.Couldn’t resist it.The town was absolutely heaving as they say. However for The Papa the journey along Princes Street was particularly fraught with danger. Come on, Edinburgh city centre at lunchtime in a slow-moving car? He's lucky one of the Blue Meanie wardens didn't give the Popemobile a parking ticket.
Then off to Glasgow where Susan Boyle sang on stage and did Scotland proud.
It wasn't easy. She saw all those crosses and thought she was back on Britain's Got Talent getting buzzed off.
Good old SuBo, she's now performed in the presence of God. Makes a change from working for Cowell and performing in the presence of the Devil.
The visit wasn't without controversy. A key member of Benedict's entourage had to pull out for calling us a third world country. He's obviously been to Greenock. On the upside, we are getting a visit from Bono next week.
Bizarrely, they had the TV coverage on in my local pub where we ended-up later on. Now that was a revelation. One guy there heard SuBo singing How Great Thou Art and immediately piped up: "She must be talking about the paintwork on they holy pictures."
The clincher was the bit where the Pope put on a tartan scarf for his first stint in the Popemobile. A nice gesture, appreciated in a different way by an old boy at the end of the bar. "Brilliant," he said. "I see the big man's a fan o’ the Bay City Rollers".Cue loadsalaughter Ye cannae beat the Scottish welcome.
Amen to that.